Another year has come and gone. And while I'll take a cup o' kindness yet and cheers to love and friendship, a part of me feels very sad and nostalgic when I think of auld lang syne. I've been reminiscing upon my childhood, way back when I was young and carefree. When my family and friends seemed so youthful and relatively healthy. I think back to the days when I would sleep in on Saturday mornings and spend a midsummer Sunday at the lake with my family. My dad would be standing near the barbecue prepping the charcoal for our noontime feast, my mother busily setting the picnic table before throwing together a fresh salad. And the rest of us, my brother, my sister and I, we would be gleefully splashing about on the lake's shore, none the wiser that life would never get any easier than that. And then, someone hollers, "Mommy! Mommy!" and my thoughts return to present day, 2013.
I lift my head slightly from my pillow to be greeted by my children who are over the moon at the sight of snow falling to the ground.
"Can we go tobogganing today, mommy? Can we? Please?!"
And suddenly it hits me.
My babies are babies no more.
I am simultaneously amazed by their glowing personalities and joie de vivre, but also overwhelmed by my selfish desire to turn back the hands of time so that I could cradle my newborn babes in my arms just one more time. I want to be able to rock them back and forth while singing them a lullaby and be rewarded with a gummy grin...
To hold their tiny hands in mine.
To watch them learn to crawl.
To cheer as they begin to walk
And help them when they fall.
To take them for a quiet stroll.
To push them in a swing.
To hug, to kiss their rosy cheeks...
Oh, what a glorious thing!
My daughter is now seven and a half years old and my son will be turning five in a few short months. They are both so beautiful and loving, and they are really coming into their own. I couldn't be more proud of who they are. But am I crazy to want to relive those endless months of carrying them inside me and suffering the incredible pains and aftereffects of childbirth? Because I would.
I miss those baby days.