Top Ten Things I Wish My Husband Would DoSaturday, February 25, 2012
I love you dearly despite your snoring and can even look past the whole toilet paper roll thing. Which, by the way, has been stored in the exact same place for the past 6 years. But for the love of sanity, please, please, PLEASE take heed and follow these 10 simple suggestions for making our marriage, well... a little more pleasant than it already is.
1. Before asking where the kids' clothes are, try opening a drawer or two. You might be surprised what you'd find.
2. If I'm downstairs and you're upstairs, I likely won't understand what you're mumbling unless the reason you're there is to dress the kids. In which case, refer to item 1.
3. When making plans, kindly refer to the extra large pad of paper with a giant grid and a bunch of numbers on it that is currently hanging in the kitchen. We call this the family calendar for a reason.
4. I absolutely love that you want to help me with the laundry. I really do. But please don't leave a sopping wet load in the washer for days on end in the hopes that it will open the latch and make its way into the dryer all on its own.
5. If you insist on taking the kids to one of the busiest malls ever in order to use up your gift cards, it might be helpful if you're actually in the mood to be there.
6. To reduce unnecessary bandwidth consumption, refrain from 'watching' a documentary on Netflix late at night.
7. Foam trays, used paper towels and facial tissues do not belong in the garbage. For the love of Planet Earth, use the recycle bin and the green bin. And properly. (Is there a Waste Widget iPhone app yet?)
8. If you're going to indulge in an occasional beer, you may want to return the empties sometime this century.
9. Pay attention to the road signs when driving to avoid last minute lane changes, missing your exit and the oh-so-unpleasant "Are we there yet?" inquiries.
10. If you ever feel so inclined, feel free to repeat your V-day purchase on a monthly or so basis. This will ensure a temporary disregard of items 1 through 9.
Your chocolate-loving wife.